Offended.

This is going to be something a little bit different than my usual posts.  I'm offended.
When I left school in 10th Grade due to bullying, I had few friends that were there for me, and the rest thought I was a class clown, and someone who loved to fight.  I hate confrontation, I hate drama.  My head gets light and I start to shiver.  And when I get into a fight, I cry after.  Not because of defeat, or being hurt, but because I fear of getting in trouble.
But, when I left school, it was like I was forgotten.  Nobody remembered me, and nobody really cared.  Some said I even committed suicide, or that I ran away.  Which is not true.
I've been in a few fights, that got me pretty noticed.  Not in a good way, though.  People only liked me because they knew if they were on my good side, that I wouldn't hit them.  If they were my friend, they could have me back them up all the time.  Which happened a LOT.  People or "friends" would walk up to me and tell me to beat up someone just because they were too wuss to do it themselves.  Which hurt.  I'm someone who deserves friends, but the bullying me out of school, I couldn't even get up in the mornings because I feared of getting in trouble.  I feared the teacher who hated me most, and I feared the people who name-called me and harassed me, because they knew I was vulnerable to any attack.

Now that I'm not in School, and doing College courses, people forgot who I was.  I've hung out with 3 people since I left school.  Carissa/Candice, Victoria, and Zeth.  They were the only people who gave me the time of day.  The only people who remembered me.  I went to a carnival the 4th of July weekend, and I saw all my old "friends" that didn't even stop to say Hello to me.  They looked at me and kept walking.  I literally cried myself to sleep.  I ran into ONE person, who was my closest friend, and she blew me off completely.  Which really, really hurt.  I'm sick and tired of not being looked at twice.

I could sit here and say, "My mother died" (Knock on wood), and nobody would ever care to reply to me on Facebook.  I had surgery, and only one person wished me luck.

I am in pain, I cry, I hurt, and I probably complain more than I should, but that doesn't make it right for people to completely ignore my feelings.  Someone could say, "I'm bored" and 50 people would reply, including me, but when I say I'm having SURGERY, I get only one person saying good luck.  Which I appreciated greatly.  It's horrifying, being ignored.  You "cool" people who think you're too good for me can really just unfriend me.  Stop being my friend to my face, and when I turn around you don't speak a word to me.  It's sick and wrong...

I'm hurt, if you couldn't tell.

Interests.

Hola, Ese.  (:

I'm not one to go into detail about my past.  So let's just save that for a rainy day.
I'm a girl of many words.  I speak my mind when it needs to be spoken.
I've got the silliest fears and phobias.

So, if you're interested, this is pretty much the basics about me.

My name is Tatiana Nicole Trindad, yes...  T.N.T.  {Known fact, I'm always called Dynamite and people ALWAYS sing the song by A.C.D.C when I tell them my initials.  Also, that it's ironic because I'm Bi-Polar.}
When I was little, a little boy named Vince would always make fun of my name, singing this one song over and over again, "Tati's a Hottie cuz' she pee's on the potty".  It was flattering, the Hottie part, but it never made sense to me.  Yet it always stuck...

Facts:
I'm overweight.
Favorite Color:  Light Blue.
Favorite Movie:  The Labyrinth. (1986 Film with Jennifer Connelly, and OF COURSE, Davie Bowie.<3)
Favorite Song:  Anything by Michael Jackson is my Theme song to life in general.
Favorite Food:  Steak, if you ever take me anywhere, it better have Steak on the menu. (:  I also love Clam Chowder, only in the bread bowls though.  (Thanks a lot, Rae, for making me addicted to it...)
Favorite Hobby(s):  Singing.  I could sing all day and night without a pause.  I've been singing since I was so small.  I also love Acting, very important to me.  Photography...  UGH I love photos, taking photos, everything to do with a Camera, I love.
Favorite Game(s):  When I was little, all I ever played was Super Mario, Donkey Kong, and Zelda (Ocarina of Time, duh).  I also LOVE World of Warcraft, First person shooters like Call of Duty.  My first MMORPG was EverQuest.  (:  I've played Aion, Rift, Lord of the Rings Online, Monkeyball, IMVU, HabboHotel(lol), etc...
Favorite Animal(s):  Pandas...  Every person on earth that I've met has liked Pandas.  But they know NOTHING about them.  If you ask me, I know everything there is to know about a Panda.  (:  Elephants.  Something about them just makes me smile.  They're so adorable and unique.  Prairie Dogs, don't ask.  They're just cute and loyal.
Favorite Music Style:  Anything that sounds good, has a good beat/rhythm is a good song for me.  Dubstep is awesome, as well.

Least Favorite Color:  Poopy Green...  LOL.  I just hate the color of chewed-up looking grass..
Least Favorite Song:  Something overplayed...  Not sure though.  Not a huge fan of 'Lil Wayne...
Least Favorite Movie:  Paranormal Activity.  Everyone said it was SO scary, but I didn't jump once.  I watched it alone at 2:00AM, in the dark.  My heart pumped fast at the end though, her face was nasty...
Least Favorite Food:  Fish, any type of fish.  And Green Beans wtf.
Fears:  Deep water, you NEVER know what's beneath you ugh I can't stand the fact that there could be a Whale or an Animal Body, or a Shark floating beneath you, I can't do it.
Spiders.  Nastiest little creeps I've ever seen in my life.  I can't go anywhere near them.  If I see one, I scream and cry in a corner.  My mom's literally had to hold me once because I was so scared.  If it scares me bad enough, I get really shaky and sometimes get light headed.  I just really hate them..
The Statue of Liberty.  Not that she's ugly, or she's an ugly color.  But her SIZE.  She's flunkin' huge people.  She could terrorize the world if she came to life.  I hate large objects in general like that.  (No pun, PG please).  Oh THANKS Ghost Busters for adding that to my fears..
The Dark.

Questions::

Q.  Are you fat?
A.  YES. (:

Q.  You sing?
A.  I do.  I might even make YouTube Videos of me singing.

Q.  What made you want to start Blogging?
A.  I've looked into it for a really long time, but it just recently hit me to start doing it.  I've loved writing since I was little, and I would always do a diary of my own so I could keep my feelings to myself.  But I noticed it's not a good outlet, at least for myself anyway.  I enjoy telling people strange facts about my life and see people do the whole, "OH MY GOD I DO THAT TOO" thing.  I want people to relate from me, and to feel comfortable with expressing their feelings.  I'm someone who people can relate to on many levels.  I feel that giving my own opinion on the internet, is an amazing outlet for people.  :DD Long enough.

Q.  What are your pet peeves?
A.  I've got SO many...
     1.  When people can't put "Your" and "You're" in the right context...
     2.  When people eat with their mouth open, or don't use a napkin and get it all over their fingers.  I really hate when they have something on their face, I can't sit there and tell them because it would be awkward for me.  I get grossed out easily around groups of people eating.
     3.  The quiet.  I absolutely HATE when it's pitch quiet, because I get a ringing in my ear.  It's like static...  Can't stand it.
     4.  The way people chew their gum.  They have their mouth all open, and I can see spit in their mouth and stuff.  The noise is so disgusting..
     5.  When people smack their mouth right before saying a word/sentence.  

     6.  When people don't shower or brush their teeth, and go out in public.  I don't feel like smelling people's stench.  Don't EVEN come close to me and whisper in my ear if you haven't brushed your teeth today. >:(
     7.  When girls say they don't fart or burp.  Everyone does it, calm down.
     8.  When girls/guys flirt, and I wind up being the third wheel.
     9.  When people smoke around me...
   10.  When people never ask for your opinion, and go do something.  It's annoying and ruuuuude.


So, that's pretty much everything one needs to know about me.  (:  

Inspiration.

Inspiration is something I've needed for such a long time now, so I thought I'd dedicate my first post to this.  I grew up all over the place, but in the last 4 years my depression has literally sunk to an all-time low.  I've never felt so limited in my life.  I've gained weight, and sat at home doing nothing.  My whole life I'd been the class clown, and never took anything seriously.  I used to be an outcast, someone who sat by themselves at lunch, and got teased for eating and being fat.  I was always aggressive, and always took matters too far out of hand.  When I was small, I had a very hard time maintaining friendships, and to this day, I'm very limited on the people that I can trust.  I don't want to to be 25 and living in my Mother's basement.  I want to be singing for millions, or acting on film, posting photography for people to see, going to the Peace Core.  But being at home, doing nothing, gave me no inspiration to aspire those goals.  I'm not somebody to rely on when it comes to advice, or school work.  I'm someone who you can rely on to be supportive.  I've tried everything to break my depression. I've gotten so stressed, I pulled out my hair, and cut myself.  But I stand here today, making this post, for people who struggle with Depression and Anxiety.
I was abused, molested, and neglected by my real father at a very young age.  When I was 16, I met my real father.  Worst mistake of my life.  Let's just say he's a good father, but it didn't feel right while he sat there with 6 other children and a perfect family.  All he did was brag about his eldest daughter.  I was jealous, and hurt.  He had no stories, but ones that included the "ignorance" of my Mother.  I found him insulting.

What I'm trying to say is, life doesn't always give you exactly what you need at the moment you want it.  You have to work hard, strive, and try hard to succeed.  It's not so easy when you have to do all of these things, but when you focus on your outcome, you'll be so proud of yourself, and thankful for the ones that supported you.  I've written all over my furniture, of random quotes and inspirational sayings to help boost my confidence.
When I wake up every morning, I do the same routine.  Wake up, shower, brush teeth, do hair, makeup, clothes, sit at computer/tv the rest of the day.
Although I'm not the most interesting person, I'm someone who you can relate to.

I love my Family, my few Friends, and my Life in general.  I'm making this Blog of my Weekly encounters, and sharing this with the world because I want to help others be inspired to do the same thing.  (: